RIP-My Growing Graveyard of Phones

I usually pass on electronics warranties.

You know the type. The cashier suggests you plunk down a mere $79.99, so they will fix your TV free for a year. (Should it worry me that they’re discussing my TV breaking before I even get it out of the store? Is it going to disassemble itself in the parking lot on the way to my trunk?)

It can get kind of ridiculous. For example, this holiday season, a store offered Chuck’s grandma a $20 warranty on a $19.99 electronic teddy bear for the emperor.

We have, however, historically indulged in warranties for our cell phones , a feature which has always seemed like pouring liquid dollars down the drain …

Until Christmas Eve when my first phone was brutally abducted.

(Confession: it was due to my own neglect.)

Here is how it went down: I crawled into the backseat of the rental car to tend to the emperor. The phone was cradled, lovingly, on the seat next to me as I wrestled with the jigsaw puzzle manufacturers call a carseat harness.

A few minutes later, we pulled into the rental car drop-off area. And, unfortunately, getting out of the car was like a David Blaine stunt. Picture Olive Oil balancing a 20 lb. weight (a deliciously round baby) on her non-existent hip while juggling a rolly suitcase, laptop bag and diaper bag.

Fortunately, I was not burdened by the extra weight of the phone…which I left on the seat. Again, cradled lovingly.

Alas, I am not David Blaine.

It took me about 3 minutes to notice my lack of phonage. We hadn’t even entered the airport yet. It was that fast.

I called the rental company on Chuck’s phone.

No big deal, they say. Our car wash guy has the car. We’ll check it as soon as he gets back.

But then, a few minutes later, their helpfulness evaporates. What phone? They ask. There was no phone in that car.In fact, we are not even sure you ever had a phone to begin with…

Fast forward a couple hours later when the car wash guy is making calls on my phone. He’s got quite a few teenaged friends in the Orlando area, we soon found out. And he had to be in touch. After all, its the holidays.

So phone number 1 (God rest its soul) had to be shut off.

I felt like I pulled the plug on a good friend.

Ahhh. My little Musiq. I remember when I brought him home from the store. He served me well.

After we got home, the Comtronics lady gave me the choice of three phones, which I could get at no charge.

And one was orange. So that settled it.

(Orange is my favorite color.)

I spent the next three hour span of our holiday travel entering information into it getting it all set up.And then, that night, I promptly threw it into the washing machine in the pocket of my sweater.

It came out very clean.

And sorta leaky.

RIP phone #2. Orange Rumor 2, you barely had a chance to leave your mark on my life before I senselessly drowned you.

I feel like a phone serial killer.

I’m a danger to society.

The good news is, as it turns out, Asurion–the phone insurance people–are the only truly hassle free company on the planet. Really. I am still in shock. There is one.

I went to phoneclaim.com and in about three minutes, another orange Rumor 2 phone was being shipped to my house–next day delivery.

The lack of effort almost didn’t do Phone #2 justice.

I may have to destroy Phone #3 just to keep things fair.