Will the Real Crazy People Please Stand Up?
Something I’ve noticed: when we find ourselves in conflict with other people, many of us suddenly become psychiatrists.
We assess the other’s person’s state of health.
They are needy.
Co-dependent.
Obsessive-compulsive.
And don’t forget passive-aggressive.
(I can’t tell you how many very objective divorcees claim the medical field missed their ex’s “bi-polar” disorder.)
Why do we pick people apart like that, do you think?
Why do I do that?
Here’s what I think:
We (myself definitely included) project psychosis onto the other party because its easier than looking at how our own weaknesses contributed to the problem.
Because it paints us as psychologically superior.
Because then we get to be the ones who have it all together…the “healthy ones” who get to sit around and analyze the case study with our friends (whoever we deem to be healthy right now).
Their mental issues give us a clear bill of health (or so we think):
Its not that we have a habit of getting into drama.
Its not that we have a long history of personality conflicts in our past.
Its that the other person is messed up.
In a medically verifiable way (if only there was a doctor smart enough to see it our way).
But you know what?
I bet the truth is a lot closer to this.
The other party did some screwed up things.
I (you) probably did too.
Because all of us, at one time or another, got into situations that were more than we could handle well.
More than we could handle while looking good.
Or while appearing completely sane.
100% of the time.
The truth is, diagnosed or not, we all get a little bit crazy.
Here’s our real dilemma: my kind of crazy doesn’t necessarily look like your kind of crazy.
So I call you out:
You have attachment issues.
You base your reality on speculation, instead of what people actually do and say.
You get so lost in lies you can’t see the truth.
Its just crazy, I say. (Certifiably so, I add.)
But the truth is: you could look back at me and diagnose an equally concerning kind of craziness.
I’m emotionally imbalanced, you could say.
I get frozen in my own self-righteousness.
I think I’m the only person in life to ever get dealt a hand she didn’t deserve.
And suddenly, I am crazy too.
Sound familiar at all?
I don’t know if you’ve been following the journey of my friends, Mike and Jud, at POTSC.com. But if this topic stirs something in you, then I suggest you head over to their website.
Today’s post (from Mike) is about eliminating the “buts”–the excuses that keep us from committing to full-fledged forgiveness. The kind of excuses we let drive a wedge between us and the people God brings into our lives.
Along these lines, I’ve decided the “but” I am going to give up today is the luxury of diagnosing other people’s weaknesses.
You know how it works.
But they’re so unhealthy.
But they’re so dysfunctional.
But they “seriously” should be diagnosed with [insert disorder of choice] .
(All of these, keep in mind, likely translate to mean they see things differently than me.)
But nothing.
I’m turning in my psychiatrist’s license today.
And, I’m not going to honor other people’s diagnoses of others anymore either.
Because the doctor, in all these cases, is likely just as sick as the patient.
Today, everyone gets a second chance. You and me both.
What about you? Is it about time you ripped up a diagnosis you wrote for someone else?
* * *
If you comment on this blog (click brown comment box under blog title) or RT/Post about this 
blog on Facebook, you will automatically be entered to win today’s book giveaway- Finding the Groove: Composing a Jazz-Shaped Faith. Drawing brilliant parallels between the body of Christ and the qualities inherent to jazz, Robert Gelinas points us beyond the ordinary to the often overlooked freedom, beauty, grace, unity, creativity, and power that are our birthright as believers.
This is part of the 25 Days of Giveaway leading up to the Feb. 1st release of Sarah’s book, Picking Dandelions.
suzi January 25, 2010 (3:15 pm)
dear sarah,
ouch.
love, suzi
{p.s. thanks i needed to hear this.}
mechelle January 25, 2010 (4:22 pm)
Guilty as charged.
I never claimed to be totally sane though………………..
Andrea Schultz January 25, 2010 (5:36 pm)
Sarah –
It’s the whole plank and speck in your eye thing (Matthew 7:3-5). We aren’t supposed to do it. Although I do…. Jesus called those of us who do it hypocrites. Too true…..
Andrea
uberVU - social comments January 25, 2010 (5:52 pm)
Social comments and analytics for this post…
This post was mentioned on Twitter by sarahcunning: Will the real crazy people please stand up? Blog on dissecting others: http://short.to/14p8v…
Keith Lee January 25, 2010 (7:06 pm)
In the words or a much wiser blog commenter:
“Dear Sarah:
Ouch!”
I am definitely guilty of this.
Mike Gothard January 25, 2010 (8:11 pm)
RT @sarahcunning: http://www.sarahcunningham.org/all-hearts-clear/will-the-real-crazy-people-please-stand-up // Hard truth spoken in love.
Leslie January 25, 2010 (9:59 pm)
oh geez! thanks for speaking into my life!
Melissa January 25, 2010 (10:34 pm)
Oh gracious. This is just what I needed to hear today.
carrie January 25, 2010 (10:58 pm)
Leggo my ego.
leta January 25, 2010 (11:15 pm)
well said…you’ve affected my thinking today. praying that it affects my heart tomorrow. thanks sarah. thinking back to a very meaningful trip to NY in which i first observed your wisdom and quiet strength. thanks for speaking truth with sweet honesty. see you on the 4th.
Tim M January 26, 2010 (4:53 pm)
“but but but…
he actually IS diagnosed as bi-polar!”
Where’s a scarlet B when you need one, eh?
I’m putting down my letters and pins too. again. God help.
Jennifer Rodriguez January 26, 2010 (9:30 pm)
Hi Sarah!
I’ve recently started following your posts and you couldn’t be more correct! These are the everyday eye openers that get overlooked. It is so easy to speak ill of others, but me? I’m fine! Thank-you for posting this. It will be heavy on my mind this week :) It can also be freeing to give yourself the space to be emotional, insane, or unbalanced and admit you’re not perfect outloud. Step back, take a deep breath, and remember we’re all human :) Thanks Again!
Jennifer R.
Sarah Cunningham January 27, 2010 (8:16 am)
Congrats Patty E., whose twitter contest entry won her today’s book, Finding Your Groove. Please send me the address where you’d like it mailed. (You can direct message me on Twitter.)
Thanks, Suzi. I needed to hear it too.
Mechelle, me neither.
Andrea, good point.
Keith, Leslie, Melissa, Carrie…thanks for reading. And relating.
Tim, nice expansion. You’re right. Put down the letters. Forgive. Its brutal sometimes. :)
Thanks, Leta. The 2nd? Are you coming to the signing? Awesome!
Glad to have you along Jennifer. I’ll be checking out your blog too.
Emily February 19, 2010 (4:54 pm)
This really hit home for me. So many times, I do the same thing as well as hear others do this. I need to really change that about myself and not “diagnose” others when we see things differently.