How Has Technology (or Other Things) Changed Society: Your Invitation to Vent, Soapbox, and Brag
I’ve been making observations left and right these last few Mondays. Among them:
- That when longtime neighbors die without anyone noticing, we have a problem.
- That other gaps in human behavior–like when people ignore each other’s need for help–should similarly jar us into thinking about how connectedness can erode over time.
- That the Bystander Effect plays out in many ways, not just in the headlines. It comes out in our everyday inactions, as well as in international politics.
- That most people probably didn’t really mean to sacrifice connectedness in their lives, but more likely, most of us probably fell victim to change blindness.
- That we have thresholds that determine what sorts of things we’ll rise up and protest. And subtle, incremental, one-degree shifts in the way humans relate to each other don’t break those thresholds. So we may do nothing (or feel as though there is nothing we can do) as all those small changes add up and shape new social patterns that might not serve us well.
- That if social norms can be formed in the first place, maybe they can be reformed.
I’m going to spend the next few weeks trying to identify “new norms”–new ways of behaving that have subtly replaced the way people “used to relate.”
But let me say one thing. It’d be unfair, of course, to imply that all social progress has been bad. I GET THAT. I readily, even happily, acknowledge that social change and technology have sometimes created new and better opportunities to connect with others. I sorta love Facebook, despite all my eye rolling. I have no idea how I would stay in touch with so many people if it wasn’t for this logo-d blue space.
But I’d love to hear from others about your experiences regarding what has changed–particularly if you live in a different part of the country, if your background is different than mine, or if you are older or younger than me. (That’s pretty much everyone then?)
So give it to me straight. What social norms or behaviors from the past do you miss? You can comment on this post with a specific social behavior or trait you miss…or you can just give me some general observations. It doesn’t matter if you can clearly put your finger on what EXACTLY is missing. Grab your soapbox and say anything you want. It’ll all help with this exploration, I promise.
Also, feel free to insert your two cents on this as well: Which new widely accepted social behaviors do you suspect aren’t good for society?
Here’s it is: this is your chance to vent, soapbox, and brag about the good old days. You can comment here or on social media. I’m listening.
Photo Source: Sunglasses
Joanna October 27, 2014 (7:07 am)
I miss how it used to be completely socially acceptable to not be contactable for a couple of hours. A few recent examples that got to me:
– On the weekend I was out of the house catching up with people and grocery shopping for a few hours. I forgot to charge my phone before I left. A family member who had no remotely urgent need to contact me or reason to worry about my safety got so worked up about what me being not contactable might mean that not only did they try to call me repeatedly, they expressed their concerns intensely enough to someone else that they tried facebook messaging me. All this with my phone off for less than four hours.
– One of the things I found most stressful about job hunting is that any time during business hours you might get an unexpected call from any one of the last few dozen businesses you applied for wanted to interview you over the phone that moment. Because I was finding myself a little on edge at times over this, occasionally I’d turn my phone off for 30 minutes or an hour to focus on other things or just to relax. I’d return any messages on my voicemail very promptly after that. When I mentioned to someone that I used this strategy to protect my sanity, they were aghast that I’d make myself ever uncontactable for even an hour while job hunting and tried to talk me out of it.
Sarah October 27, 2014 (11:15 am)
Joanna – This is exactly the sort of practical life moments I need to record. Thanks.
It is crazy how phones serve not only as communication devices, but as social leashes if we let them. :(
And, I screen my calls all the time. We cannot be “online” and available all the time. Keep clocking out, girl. It’s good for you.
Destiny October 27, 2014 (7:20 pm)
We still don’t have smart phones, but I can be on facebook too much, still, if I don’t watch myself. My husband works an odd shift. Thus, he doesn’t have much of a social life. We visited some friends recently (rare), and the husband spent a lot of the time on his smart phone. My husband mentioned it later. (I felt bad for my husband.)
Joanna October 28, 2014 (5:40 am)
I thought of another one: I’m not convinced the expectation that dating relationships be made “facebook official” is healthy or helpful, especially in the early stages.
It used to be that when the relationship was still new and tentative you could get away with only telling a small number of people. As the increasing seriousness of the relationship warranted it, you could progressively tell more individuals or groups of people. Now you’re expected to announce it on Facebook early, telling everyone from close friends to an aunt you see a couple of times a year to some guy you were in a class for a semester 5 years ago all at the same time.
I suspect making a still developing relationship so public for no particularly good reason risks adding unnecessary pressure to be too serious too quick and piles on the awkwardness if the couple decide to not continue dating.
Having these updates coming from close to everyone you’ve ever known can also create a false sense of the degree to which everyone else is romantically “successful” when you’re not.
Lenora Rnad January 2, 2015 (9:35 am)
Sarah, it’s funny about Facebook. In 2009 I wrote an article for Christian Century about how fb connects us and gives us space to tell a little truth about ourselves and almost allows us to be the body of Christ in a new way, in our “everyone too busy and too spread out” times, but lately I’ve been thinking about writing a rebuttal to that article. So much has changed in 5 years. I feel like now people (including me) use Facebook to promote an agenda, to share articles or cute things, but rarely pull out the things that keep us up at night, our deep sorrows or fears, and place them on the altar of the status box. I wonder about what’s happened to us…it’s like we grew out of our innocence almost…we went from our “say anything” 5 year old selves into middle schoolers who are carefully constructing an identity and holding onto it tightly and trying to be “different, just like my friends” and making sure they sit at the right table in the lunchroom. I feel a definite loss of the old FB openness, but at the same time, I personally find it hard to be the only one out there posting raw, naked truths, like people seemed to be doing a few years ago. Things like “I feel sad today.” or “My dad’s sick and I’m scared…” but I’ve got to say, it seems to me that’s how real human connection happens…when we pull the painful parts out and hand them over to others, hoping against hope they will hold them (us) with compassion and tenderness and understanding.