The Something That is Missing is Forgiveness – People of the Second Chance

Something is missing in my new memoir, Picking Dandelions: A Search for Eden Among Life’s Weeds.

The book is a collection of funny, quirky, struggling stories about trying to weed out life’s flaws to make room for the good stuff to grow.

But one of the flaws that I need to kick to the curb didn’t make this book.

Enter my sometimes embarrassingly short supply of forgiveness.

Seriously, its lame.

I’ve been blogging about it lately (in posts called Person of the Zero Chance and Will the Real Crazy People Please Stand Up?). And I’m warning you, it has not been pretty.

But today’s installment is a breath of fresh air.

Fire causes to focus on mission

Because its not from me. :)

Its from this fabulous person, author Rick Rouse, who pastored a church that an arsonist burned to the ground.

You won’t want to miss the interview about what happened next or the pics that follow:

Sarah: Your first book, Fire of Grace, tells the story of an arson who burned down your church. Can you recount for us some of the feelings/reactions you experienced the day of the fire?

Rick: The day of our church burned down my feelings ran the course of disbelief to anger to despair.  Seeing the tears on the face of my staff and members of my congregation filled me with deep grief and sadness.   In the days that followed, I also questioned God.  Why did this tragedy have to happen?  What was God up to?

Rick visits arsonist, Paul Keller, in prison

Sarah: After the fire, despite his acts against your church, you were able to maintain connection with the arsonist and his family. Can you tell us a little bit about those post-fire interactions?

Rick: The arsonist was arrested some six months later.  During that time, I’m sure that I went through all the stages of grief and loss, coming at last to a sense of acceptance and desire to move forward rather than being “stuck” in a place of unforgiveness.   When the arsonist was finally arrested I went to visit him in jail.  I felt compelled by Christ to go and offer my forgiveness, prayers, and support.   The arsonist was overwhelmed and broke down and wept.  He then wrote a letter of apology that I read at church the following Sunday.   The leadership of our congregation responded by writing a letter to the arsonist and his family, offering their forgiveness and prayers as well.  This was the beginning of a special relationship between our congregation and the arsonist’s family, as we stood with them during the difficult, challenging days of the arsonist’s trial as well as the rebuilding of our church.  We even invited the victims of arson in our community to join us and Paul’s family for a service of healing and forgiveness.

Sarah: What were some of the most difficult parts in coming to a place of forgiveness?

Rick and arsonist's father, George Keller, at healing and forgiveness service

Rick: I think that the most challenging part of the journey toward forgiveness—particularly when it involves others such as a church community—is recognizing that we all work through the process in our own way and in our own time.  When I announced to the congregation that I had offered forgiveness to the arsonist, many applauded my actions but others said they were not ready to forgive.  I had to respect their feelings, recognizing they were not yet where I and the church leadership had come to.

Sarah: Could you weigh the consequences for us? What is more expensive (what costs the victim more?) – forgiving or not forgiving?

Rick: It has been my experience that no forgiving is the most costly, for we allow ourselves to be a victim not only of an act perpetrated by another but also of our own failure to “let go and let God”.  As long as we wallow in our own self-pity and state of unresolved anger, we will remain a victim, unable to move forward with our lives and relationships.  This often poisons our relationship with others as well.  In my book, Fire of Grace: The Healing Power of Forgiveness, I offer examples of being stuck in unforgiveness as well as the healthier alternative of choosing forgiveness and restoration of life and relationships.

Sarah: We can imagine even worse scenarios, obviously, such as if the fire had taken the lives of people you knew and loved. In even life’s hardest circumstances, when we struggle to forgive offenses, how can we stretch to find a place of grace.

Rick: We have to finally place our grief and our future into God’s hands.  We may marvel at the Amish community who reached out with love and support to the family of one who murdered their children.  We may find it hard to understand why the people of Rwanda believe that if someone has wronged them but asks forgiveness, they are compelled to offer it.  They have no other choice.  Their culture is one that values reconciliation above retribution.  In the offering of the greatest gift of grace in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, God has shown us an alternative to the worldly response of “an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth”.

Pastor Rick hugging, George Keller, the arsonist's father

Sarah: Mike Foster, at POTSC.com, has suggested that the “buts” (but she did this to me, but I didn’t deserve it…) sometimes stand between us and forgiveness. How can we release those buts?

Rick: The only way to release these obstacles to forgiveness is to recognize that unless we do so—and are able to move forward in the process of forgiving—we will be forever shackled, with ourselves in chains.  We need to also recognize that it is not “all about us and our feelings” but about the greater good and health of our families and our communities.  Can we become instruments of healing and restoration?

Sarah: Have you ever been part of a group of people or community that excelled in giving grace? How is this or, hypothetically, would this change our experience in friendships, families and communities?

Rick: The story of Trinity Lutheran Church as told in Fire of Grace: The Healing Power of Forgiveness is about a community of grace.  Grace was proclaimed and lived out by reaching out to the arsonist and his family, by seeking to bring healing to other victims of arson in the surrounding neighborhood, and by claiming a renewed sense of mission and purpose as a congregation.  A new vision statement was adopted by the church:  “Healing hurts, renewing hope and rebuilding dreams.”   As the congregation became known as a center for healing and reconciliation in the community, it attracted many others who believed in this mission.  And through creative partnerships with community agencies, the congregation began to (and continues to) make a significant difference in the lives of many bringing them hope and healing.

(Did I mention that Rick Rouse, who–as you can see–has some solid, insightful words on forgiveness, somehow married into my family a few years back? Perhaps some of his forgiveness will rub off on me via second-cousindom?)

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