Speaking of My Students

Speaking of my students…
I wish you could be a fly on the wall for one of our latest conversations which sprang from their ongoing resistance to my request (slash dictatorial mandate) that they stay seated at their tables over the course of the hour.

Student A: Mrs.Cunningham, why are you so obsessed about us being in the green chairs?

(Earlier in my teaching career, I used to randomly announce that all students needed to be “seated.” Nope. Too ambiguous. Students are quick to point out that perching on the window sill, a moving book cart, the projector stand, table or my desk technically qualifies as “seated.” Also, if I just say seated in “a” chair, it’s like challenging all the smart alecks to race for my own swivel chair behind my desk. I have to say GREEN chairs. Specifically.)

Me: Because this is not the mall where you wander around in groups with your friends. This is school where you’re supposed to be doing work. There is a better chance you’ll do work if you’re actually sitting near your assignment.

Student B: But Mrs.C, haven’t you ever seen the movies?

(Really. This is my life, people.)

Me: What???

Student B: In the movies, whenever they show a classroom, the kids are always moving all around.

Student A: Yeah, they’re always moving around, Mrs.C.

(I should’ve asked for a list of such movies. Note to self: if they exist, write hate mail to producers.)

Me: Well, people also fight off dozens of gunmen with automatic weapons using only karate moves in the movies.

Student B: So …?

Me: So things that happen in the movies aren’t necessarily real.

Student A: Yeah, but the movies show you how life could be, Mrs. C.

Student B: Yeah, how life SHOULD be.

(They also think that life “should” include being allowed to call people on their cellphones in class and do their work–really, they PROMISE, they WILL DO IT–if you let them go outside and sit on the playground.)

I secretly sort of like that they’ve identified this bit about movies casting vision to what life can be, so I pretend not to notice a little non-green seat movement for a while. But after a few of them knock the screen out of a window, I go back to being one of those mean, non-movie-esque teachers who thinks schools work better when students (for the most part) stay in their chairs.

Another conversation from yesterday:

Student to me: Do you think there is such a thing as hell?

Before I can answer, two or three other students object. They say that’s stupid and when you die, you just turn back into dirt.

Me: I definitely believe in life after death. Do you?

Student: Yeah. I believe in hell.

The other students reassert their stance that “this life is all there is.” Then it’s worm food.

(The student ignores them)

Student: Wanna know why I believe in hell?

Me: Sure, tell me.

Student: Well there’s lava, isn’t there? Hello. Lake of fire? Lava.

(No one says anything.)

Any of you going to tell me lava ain’t real? (He turns to his classmates.)

It is dead silent.

You can’t argue lava.

Then one chimes in: Know what I think hell is gonna be like? Sitting in green chairs in a lake of lava.

Don’t say I’m not enriching your theological perspective after this one, blog readers.