Do It For the People.
Periodically, I come back round to wave the “people matter” banner…for myself as much as anyone.
I make little mental notes to stop and notice the people around me.
To not just hear–but allow myself to feel–the realities they face.
Some people are naturals at this.
- My husband Chuck is a sucker for an elderly person sitting alone at a restaurant. He makes solo strangers feel like they’re long lost friends by the end of a few minutes of polite chatter.
- My friend Ben is a magnet for conversation in any Starbucks anywhere. It’s like he’s secretly building a tribe of coffee-loving friends who will band together to raise the world’s bar for exchanging pleasantries.
- My sister-in-law Jill has built-in radar that hones in on ordinary opportunities to help. She will volunteer to run earrangs, jump to clean up spills, and endlessly pretend to be Buzz Light Year for certain possibly-Toy-Story-obsessed emperors.
- My friend Jennie will return everything she is ever loaned, even if it’s as small as a paperclip or hair rubberband, because she never wants to unfairly take advantage of another person. She is the person you want to find your misplaced million dollars because she will get it back to you.
I’m guessing each of these people is moved by some sort of social code–unspoken beliefs (and sometimes promptings) that trigger how they respond in these moments.
I’ve been trying to think of a few of those unspoken beliefs that I hold.
For example, I’ve resolved that it’s important to:
- acknowledge the people I pass on the street or other public places.
- to hold a door, even if I have to wait, even if I’m in a rush.
- to say a prayer for the parties involved whenever I hear a police or ambulance siren.
- to always give the Salvation Army bell-ringers some change because they stand out in the freaking cold. ALL DAY PEOPLE. =) In Michigan. Enough said?
- to make yourself available to those you love. Free up a few minutes to talk, return their text messages, show them they are welcome in your world.
I would love to hear some of those unspoken beliefs in your world. Maybe I can learn from you. Maybe we can spread some good-old-fashioned sweet, sweet people-loving together.
(Click on the comments link by the title of the post to share your unspoken rules.) Go ahead. Do it for the people.
Chad Wright November 18, 2011 (8:49 am)
1. If you see a veteran at a restaurant, buy their meal.
2. If you can help then help. Big or small, always help.
Mike McGinnis November 18, 2011 (12:31 pm)
1. Waving/saying HI! to the neighbors is severely underrated…so do it all the time!
2. Smile when making random eye contact
3. Dance outside of buses or cars when they’re stopped. Makes people smile :)
Mike McGinnis November 18, 2011 (12:31 pm)
1. Waving/saying HI! to the neighbors is severely underrated…so do it all the time!
2. Smile when making random eye contact
3. Dance outside of buses or cars when they’re stopped. Makes people smile
Cary Umhau November 18, 2011 (4:21 pm)
Love this. One of mine is to always go to lemonade stands and buy something. Another is to hand out a silver lining card (http://spacious.me/projects/silver-lining-campaign/) telling someone they are awesome. One of the tenets of SPACIOUS is celebrating people as we encounter them with curiosity and wonder. Because everyone is amazing if you move beyond assumptions.
Shelly Miller November 18, 2011 (4:55 pm)
Make eye contact with the cashier at the grocery store and learn their names. (I can do that in a small town)
Always say yes when I am checking out at a store/fast food place when they ask for the miscellaneous donation for a charity.
Return hangers to the dry cleaner so they can be recycled.
Well, you made me think. Never thought about those unspokens before.
Sarah November 19, 2011 (9:01 am)
@Chad I always make a point to say thank you to veterans, even if they’re riding in the airplane or elevator. BUT I’ve never bought a meal, so I’ll do that! Thanks.
@Mike I wish we had a how-to dance video to see how you roll. :) That was a great suggestion.
@Cary I always go to lemonande stands too! It’s so much effort as a kid.
@Shelly I like the learn the names. I had that growing up and miss it now.
Tim Thurman November 19, 2011 (10:34 am)
Love this, Sarah.
1. Look at a person if they are talking to you;
2. Never go through a sidewalk crossing if someone is in the crossing — even if you have to wait…forever;
3. Go out of my way to tell the manager if my waitress / waiter was great; and
4. Because I am tall, always try and help people in the store reach things.
Veronica Monique November 19, 2011 (11:00 am)
1. Always thank anyone providing you with a service by name, whether they are in person or on the phone.
2. Hand make all thank you notes to friends and family, and especially encourage your children to do this. Everyone loves the thought and appreciation.
Diane Rivers November 19, 2011 (11:34 am)
Say a prayer for the tollbooth operator after you pay your toll.
Pay cash whenever you can to self-employed service providers.
Always tip your barista – it’s not their fault the coffee is so expensive.
Cheryl November 19, 2011 (11:58 am)
Buy something from the kids that knock at your door for fundraisers – that’s a thankless job for the little guys.
Cheryl November 19, 2011 (12:14 pm)
Oh, one more that I learned from a friend who is recovering from a brain tumor: leave the wider “wheelchair” stall available at the rest room, even if all the others are in use. Someone who needs the extra space or stabilizing bars will be grateful to not have to wait.
Abby November 19, 2011 (1:14 pm)
1) Always buy lemonade from kids’ lemonade stands.
2) Always return my cart to the appropriate cart-holding area, even if it’s freezing and I’m in a hurry.
3) Read the entire “acknowledgements” page(s) in books. If they helped enough for the author to publicly thank them, then I (being the public) should at least give them the courtesy of reading their name.
4) Always let the person who only has 3 items go in front of me to checkout. And let the person with 3 kids and 2 carts full go in front of me, too.
5) Actually speak to the people who are standing behind the counter or at the toll-booth or taking your ticket in the parking garage.
Pat Saltzgaber November 19, 2011 (1:19 pm)
Always let someone with just a few groceries in of you.
Give $ to anyone with a sign saying they are homeless.
Smile at people you pass in stores,etc.
June November 19, 2011 (1:42 pm)
I donate to the bellringers. This was something I learned from watching my dad. It must have been his unspoken rule and so by example it has become mine.
I put my cart into the stall and will grab those who just leave them between cars. I also push my cart all the way to the back and stack carts if necessary in the stall…keeps it organized and removes the potential for a roaming cart.
I say please and thank you.
I call my elders by Mr, Mrs or Miss.
I give atleast 20% tip to my wait staff, since I did that in college and realize it is hardwork and the hourly pay is pennies because they rely on tips.
I make a point to visit with my elderly (widowed) neighbor. I give her veggies from my garden, share my bread I buy at a local bakery, and give her some pie, cookies, any sweets I make. Since I recently moved and she is technically no longer my neighbor, I still make it a point to call, visit with her or even drop off a few homemade goodies to her.
Sarah November 19, 2011 (1:55 pm)
@Tim Love the “tell the manager” a good report.
@Veronica Thank you notes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
@Diane Paying cash is such a little thing, but I bet they appreciate it!
@Cheryl I’m a sucker for kids doing fundraisers. Oh and add to wheel chairs to give up a seat on a tram or bus/subway for any one who is elderly, pregnant, handicapped or carrying groceries. Or who just looks exhausted. =)
@Abby I can’t believe anyone reads the acknowledgements pages! That made my day. =)
@Pat The “just a few groceries” rule? I’ve been the giver and receiver on that one. It’s gold.
@June I think you took it to a whole new level with the contact with neighbor. That is a priceless gift. So glad you have that kind of heart. :)
Chantel November 19, 2011 (7:40 pm)
Always give the waiter/ess a sincere thank you for the small things they do to make your meal more enjoyable.
Chad November 19, 2011 (8:14 pm)
Always hold the door open for the next person in or out. Especially when you are in a hurry. You cant help but feel better.