I Feel Excluded: An Inconvenient Secret

An Inconvenient Secret About Why We Sometimes Feel Excluded

Sometimes as we people-watch from the sidelines, our imaginations get the best of us.

We think, hmmm, that person really seems to enjoy spending time with other people… and we wonder, …but are they purposefully excluding me?

We look for ulterior motives.

Count up the times they pass by us hurriedly in the hall or excuse themselves from a conversation with us to move onto something else.

By the end of the fiction we write over these interactions, they’re snobs, we’re discarded. They’re popularity hounds, we’re victims.

But sometimes the truth is in between all of that…

Here’s an inconvenient secret about why we sometimes feel excluded:

Sometimes people hang out with others because … other people try.

They respond warmly to conversation.

They accept and initiate invitations.

They stay positive, offering more than just complaints or vendettas.

They’re open-minded. They don’t think the worst of us and don’t spread their various hypotheses about us behind our  backs.

An inconvenient secret?

Yes. Sometimes we’re excluded because people are hurtful, unfair and oppressive. That is valid (and wrong).

But sometimes we’re not being excluded by others.

Sometimes, as we sit on the sidelines judging those who are in the arena trying, we’re excluding ourselves.

Are you feeling excluded?

Whether you’re being purposefully ousted or accidentally forgotten, a suggestion:

Speculating on all the reasons people might be excluding you isn’t going to heal that wounded inner voice.

If you feel excluded, gather up your energy and try to be for someone else what others aren’t being for you.

Go ahead. Invite someone out. Be warm. Care. Make them feel welcome and included.

I bet you get some goodness out of it too.

And it also takes the danger of hypocrisy out of your thought life–that you would sit around feeling excluded, while you yourself aren’t making any attempt to include others in your world either.