Kick to the curb?
Is It Really Time to Kick Someone To the Curb?
Have you ever noticed, that when it comes to relationships, well-meaning people are often suspiciously-eager to drop black-and-white advice?
A co-worker mentions she is having trouble with a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Girl! Kick that man to the curb and find someone who realizes what you’re worth.
A neighbor reveals they’re having trouble with a family member.
Just because they’re family doesn’t mean you have to have a relationship with them.
I get it. Part of healthy relationships definitely requires boundary setting and limiting exposure to people who drain us of positive, emotional energy.
But sometimes it just seems like we’re a little too eager to slam the door.
Does the person giving the advice really have enough context and history to be recommending the relational guillotine? Do they know the positive qualities of the person in question? Do they know your own quirks, idiosyncrasies and weaknesses? Do they themselves have a track record of healthy relationships?
Sure, sometimes a friend needs to hand you an axe and tell you to part ways with someone who is taking your life in the wrong direction. But sometimes we’re just bored, vulture culture people who probably enjoy a good drama more than we should.
Julie December 14, 2012 (1:11 pm)
Good post.
We tend to “throw away” people with greater ease than things or pets. Strange how the most valuable is so easy to toss. It takes an inside understanding of a situation (i.e. you’ve lived it) to really know when it’s time for tough love and when it’s time to keep walking the journey next to them. Advice from outside the situation is well-meaning; we’re concerned with friends/family who might be in destructive relationships. But difficulty isn’t the same as destructive even though it looks it for the outside viewpoint.
I don’t know. It’s easier to quit than keep going when it’s tough, so the advice to walk away always sounds good and valuable in the moment.
My dad once told me, in a difficult situation, this specific thing: “Don’t throw _____ away.” It made me realize how we do exactly what you describe.
Sarah December 19, 2012 (12:21 pm)
Thanks, Julie. I appreciate what you’re saying. We’re too quick to assert our rights to walk away sometimes. And that may give us a momentary feeling of satisfaction in the short-term, but it doesn’t serve us well in the long run.