My Alternate Future as A TLC Stagehand
When I was at Zondervan a coupla days ago, it was not all audio, folks. Oh no. There was video too.
Thankfully, there was no video book involved.
I’m thinking another word for “video book” would be the highly technical, insider word movie–a film being something they will never make based on my book (although I biasedly think I’d be an excellent choice to play myself. I could sell it, people.)
But even if a video book were like an audio book, where they just film you reading your book, I’d be a serious under-performer. I’d like circle my feet or do some weird twisty motion with my hands, nervous tics that would make me look like some sort of quirky savant on video.
The female Christian Rainman, unplugged.
Maybe this is why they only do 30 second clips with people like me.
I sit there in this clever little recently-abandoned room that TJ Rathbun has remodeled into a makeshift studio. Its quite the fashionable set-up really, which makes me think if Z’s video wing ever falls through the cracks, TJ might have a future as a host of some TLC show.
My 30 second shoot starts with a list of things NOT to look at. Do not look at the light, for example. Do not look at the camera. Look at Mike (Marketing Mike) who will grin really big and wave on occasion. If this starts to make you laugh, well then, look beyond Mike. Pretend Mike isn’t there. What Mike?
Here’s the tricky part about filming. No script. No cue cards. Instead, we just do a quick conversation about what the book is about, we select a few snippits and I talk about them off the top of my head kinda like I might do if someone asked me about the book over lunch.
I once heard these sorts of schpeels called “elevator sells”–condensing your work into short little statements that you can transfer to someone else in 30 second segments.
I am not sure my elevator sells are A-plus material as I am super tired, 10% of my normal energetic self, trying not to slouch in the comfy chair, and trying to salvage any non-monotonous vocal quality I can after recording two days worth of audio book.
I think it goes okay. TJ, who is solidly nice and encouraging like the rest of the crackerjack Z people I work with, seems to give it the thumbs up.
Even if my video careers is a bust I figure I can apply for a job on TJ’s TLC crew. Maybe I can be a stage hand or something. Someone to move books around in the background or to shush people in the hallway or to sit in the background and smile at people as a focal point. My future is flexible.