What Can We Control: Do Two People Necessarily Have the Same Opportunity to Impact Their Circumstances?
And then there were three.
Seven weeks.
We’ve now covered seven ideas for helping churches take “first steps” to go beyond their building to the surrounding community. The exercises– What If Your Church Burned Down?, Community Stations, Would You Let Your Families Intermix, Walk a Mile In Their Shoes, What We Say In Public, Truth About Money and A Monopoly on Empathy– are taken from my new book, Portable Faith: Taking Church to the Community.
We’ll be sharing three more excerpts from the book and discussing them in the next three weeks. Today’s follows.
To What Degree, Do We Control Our Lives?
Read the following excerpt from the book There Are No Children Here [Get or Explore Book Here] as an individual or aloud as a group. If you have time, obtain the movie made from the book and watch it together for an even fuller illustration
On June 13, a couple of weeks after their peaceful afternoon on the railroad tracks, Lafayette celebrated his twelfth birthday. Under the gentle afternoon sun, yellow daisies poked through the cracks in the sidewalk as children’s bright faces peered out from behind their windows. Green leaves clothed the cottonwoods, and pastel cotton shirts and shorts, which had sat for months in layaway, clothed the children. And like the fresh buds on the crabapple trees, the children’s spirits blossomed with the onset of summer.
Lafayette and his nine-year-old cousin Dede danced across the worn lawn outside their building, singing the lyrics of L. L. Cool J rap, their small hips and spindly legs moving in rhythm. The boy and girl were on their way to a nearby shopping strip, where Lafayette planned to buy radio headphones with $8.00 he had received as a birthday gift.
Suddenly, gunfire erupted. The frightened children fell to the ground. “Hold your head down!”
Lafayette snapped, as he covered Dede’s head with her pink nylon jacket. If he hadn’t physically restrained her, she might have sprinted for home, a dangerous action when the gangs started warring. “Stay down,” he ordered the trembling girl.
The two lay pressed to the beaten grass for half a minute, until the shooting subsided. Lafayette held Dede’s hand as they cautiously crawled through the dirt toward home. When they finally made it inside, all but fifty cents of Lafayette’s birthday money had trickled from his pockets.
(Alex Kotlowitz, There Are No Children Here (New York: Anchor, 1992), p. 9)
1. Ask each person present to draw a circle about the size of the mouth of a coffee cup on a sheet of white copier paper. This circle represents Dede’s surroundings–the context in which she is being raised. Based only on the information presented in this story or movie, instruct participants to draw a circle inside the larger one representing how much control they estimate that Dede has over her surroundings.
A small circle would clearly represent very little control, while a larger circle might represent more control.
2. Now instruct participants to draw a second circle the size of the mouth of a coffee cup next to Dede’s. This one represents their own context wherever it is you live, taking into account their environment and the resources they do or do not have, support systems, and so on. Then instruct participants to draw a circle inside their circle that represents, on an average day, how much control they believe they have over their environment.
3. Looking at the inner control circles, how do they compare? Did you make them the same size? Is one bigger than the other? Ask for volunteers to explain why they drew theirs the way they did. If you’re participating with a group, feel free to let others disagree or debate. If you are working on this exercise alone, try to imagine how someone might argue with your answer. Could someone create a case for taking the opposite side?
So Really…What Can We Control?
The point of the exercise, of course, is not to make a judgment about someone different than ourselves but to consider how a human’s ability to make decisions society might see as “ideal” might be hampered by environment, circumstances or personal hardship. This could also lead to talking about whether society’s “ideal” values are always really ideal.
In the groups who’ve done this with me, for example, some people have adamantly insisted that Dede has a large degree of control over her environment. The same or very similar to what they had living in the comfort of white suburbia. They further assert that all people have the same amount of control–that we can all make good or bad choices despite hardship and that we can choose to work hard, educate ourselves and move away from an area or participate in certain threatening functions less.
Others, of course, end up arguing this point, insisting that certain environments are so impoverished and insecure, and certain personal hardship is so consuming, that it is unrealistic to think a person who has to walk through a crime-ridden neighborhood to get to a laundromat has the same sort of control as someone who walks through their own kitchen to an attached laundry room.
This can also lead to discussions about not assuming just because someone is raised in a rough environment that they cannot acquire good thinking skills or make great decisions.
The point, again, is not to declare one idea “right”, but to expose people to a variety of perspectives to perhaps evaluate their own sense of judgment when critiquing someone whose life has unfolded differently than theirs did.
What do you think? If you sprung this activity on the people in your Sunday School class, small group or other gathering, would they participate? Would it cause tension? Do you suspect there’d be open conversation or new awareness?
Michele May 20, 2013 (9:46 am)
This would be so effective…personal and yet something for the whole group. Has application on so many levels….a great “get you thinking” exercise. Easy and worthwhile. People would remember it.
Ray Hollenbach May 20, 2013 (10:16 am)
I simply love this exercise–it certainly fits well with my introspective side, plus I think it would stimulate an excellent small group discussion (in the hands of a skillful leader).
At least two pluses stand out: First, there’s power in the use of story, which has the ability to transport us into other settings, such as that of a nine year-old girl growing up in a tough urban neighborhood. Another strength of this exercise is to expose the tension between our choices and the things beyond our control.
Finally, may I suggest a possible third step? Pick a Biblical narrative (Joseph from Genesis comes to mind) and ask the people of your small group to draw the same circles. Ask how about their “control” and God’s interventions. That ought to keep the conversation going as well.
Sarah May 20, 2013 (11:33 am)
Thanks @Michele. Always glad to hear it’ll work for someone outside of me.
And @Ray, I like your third step. I, in some cases, will ask people to do a concentric circle for Jesus while he was on earth…talk about discussion starter. ;)
Rick Nier May 20, 2013 (3:07 pm)
I like this exercise and the many possible tangents for discussions. I think any discussion that would help broaden the scope of thinking and feeling for others is a good one.
Our community here in Indiana, is not that different from Spring Arbor, which I know you know all about, Sarah. We have quite the bubble, complete with multiple churches and a Christian college. But we also have what can be turned into quite an invisible section of our neighbors.
A lot of judgment, spoken and unspoken, takes place. An exercise like this would help to get people thinking outside of their context.
danielle Williams May 20, 2013 (3:31 pm)
I also agree it would be a great exercise to do. For the most part i think the people fellowship with god also enjoy this.
I think it would really help us look at other peoples circumstances. every now and then you have to make people come out of their comfort zone tp see how other people live.
Becky May 20, 2013 (4:11 pm)
I think this is my favorite so far! What a great discussion starter. I know where I would fall on this and where, say, my husband would fall on it and we’re vastly different… results of what we do for a living, I think. I’m in the “inner city” of Jackson on a daily basis and see how little “control” the kids that I work with have. It’s frustrating!
Todd May 21, 2013 (2:09 pm)
I think I am going to use this exercise at a retreat I am leading at the end of the month, I like it.
I am thinking about adapting it to fit the context. How different is the idea of control over one’s setting in various times/places (in my situation I am going to ask a group of individuals to think about the control aspect for the recipients of I Peter – a group of suffering Christians).
Great stuff, I am really looking forward to this book!
Eric Haynes May 21, 2013 (9:03 pm)
But what is the expected outcome of this exercise? What exactly do you hope people will do with this supposed new perspective (assuming they can truly understand even a bit of Dede’s world)? How do we help people actually respond in some new way to what the exercise and discussion is meant to highlight? Sometimes I fear we lead people in our groups through exercises that are “inspiring” or “thought-provoking” but really don’t lead to any real change in daily behavior or attitudes. Is having empathy enough?
Benji May 23, 2013 (6:18 pm)
Another excellent exercise. I would definitely agree with Eric though, what is the desired outcome? Coupling this exercise with some sort of cultural next step or action plan may take it to the next level.
Sarah May 23, 2013 (10:29 pm)
Thanks, Benji. The exercise does actually feed into another exercise in the book. I think you’re right though. All of this has to lead somewhere. What’s the end goal is always a good refining question.
Wes May 26, 2013 (8:55 pm)
Sarah, if we did this exercise at Olive Branch, I unfortunately don’t remember it. Fortunately, though–as a word of encouragement–beyond using this exercise in small groups or Sunday school classes–simply reading this blurb has already challenged me this week to think about control (I read on Monday, but I’m responding on Sunday!).
At the military school chapel, this may or may not work well, because the cadets–ESPECIALLY the new ones (aka. “Rats”)–actually do NOT have much control over their (chosen) environment. They are told when to do what, and for how long, that I think they would relate more with Dede than not.
Which brings up a thought–since I relate more with walking through the kitchen to my laundry room than I do to gunfire–is this an exercise mainly for those who “have” lots of control, to teach them empathy?–because I can see the benefit that way. If this were used in a place where people actually have little control, does it teach them the same thing?–or maybe not teach them “control” so much as “choice”?
One other aside–having stepped out of the country for a year–while, in the States, I relate less with Dede, but, while in a foreign country, I think I relate more with her, particularly with language and language barriers. I wonder how this exercise might work with internationals and/or those considering missions?
Amy Jones May 26, 2013 (9:45 pm)
I think this is an excellent idea for an exercise and this is one of my favorite books from my education at Spring Arbor University (thank you to Mary Darling!). I did not know there was a movie, so you have sparked my curiosity. I believe if I did this exercise the reaction would be similar to what you shared you had experienced. I think those who have experienced or know the depth of living in constant chaos or a place of no control and how this can affect a person on an emotional, spiritual, physical, soul, and mental level, would tend to lean toward Dede not having much control, but there are always exceptions to this rule. There are those who rise above their circumstances and make something of themselves even though they are from this type of environment.
Melinda May 26, 2013 (9:48 pm)
Another Wow! This is a great exercise! I think this really would open a small group discussion up. I have to admit at first I thought my circle and how much control I have is bigger then Dede’s. However, is it really? Look at what happened in Boston, Sandy Hook etc. Do we really have that much control? Has me thinking, so as much as I want to say that I have more control than that little girl…hmm. I don’t think so. I may be more prepared for a situation because of life experiences, but more control…I don’t think so.
Anyway. This would make a great discussion to see how several opinions! Thanks so much for sharing this!
I hope this information helps!