What Have You Lost? No. 2

Do you ever feel like, in spite of smart phones and social networks out the wazoo, today’s children are being raised with less “community” than you experienced growing up? Last week, I started a discussion on things we’ve lost along the way and invited readers to throw out observations about how the world has changed in their lifetimes. I’d love it if you’d add your observations.

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What Have You Lost? The Ability to Be Present?

Three strangers wait on a curb, scanning the distant streets for a city bus to save them from the falling snow.

With no bus in sight, all three turn to the welcome distraction of their smart phones.

One texts, one tweets, and one updates his Facebook status–each of them asserting a common frustration as their to-do lists are delayed by inclement weather.

As the bus rolls up, the three click their phones to standby. They are momentarily satisfied by the hope that one of their hundreds of social networking friends might happen to see their post and relate to their experience of waiting in the snow for a late bus.

Without saying a word to the people who actually shared the experience, they file onto the bus–heel to toe–nearly touching as they cram together waiting to put their coins in the bus driver’s slot.

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I know. I know. I love my smart phone too.

But if we’re honest, as much as we enjoy our gadgets, we probably often feel like “life just became fast paced” and we have no choice but to pick up our own speed, even if there are times we don’t like it.

There’s some truth to that. We are probably hustling and multi-tasking more. We can’t change the norms adopted by society and we probably don’t want to reverse technological progress. But that doesn’t negate our ability to make choices that create intentional space in our own lives for nurturing relationships.

So while we probably don’t want to return our gadgets (I know I don’t),  here are some ideas for using cell phones as tools to serve your life, rather than dictators who run them or reduce the quality of your relationships.

• Start with adopting a mantra: owning a cell phone does not mean you have to be “on call” around the clock to everyone who dials your number. When people only had land line phones, callers didn’t have the opportunity to interrupt your life at their whim. They left a message and you returned their calls when you returned home. It’s healthy to retain that tradition. Let someone leave a voicemail and if it is not an emergency, don’t feel pressured to return the call while driving in heavy traffic or spending quality time with family or friends. You can call back later.
• Leave the cell phone put away during all meals, at home or in restaurants. It’s a good idea not to ignore the friends you’re having coffee with to tweet about how much you love having coffee with them. =) You can tweet that later, in the parking lot, before you get in the car.
• When you’re spending the day with friends, consider leaving the cell phone in the car or purse and just checking it once or twice. Having it in your pocket or on the table will encourage you to check it often.
• Set aside certain windows of time that are “phone free”–whether it means clearing the first few hours after dinner or reserving Saturday mornings for non-phone activity. Another option? Set a curfew for your phone. Choose not to use it, as a rule, after a certain time of night.
• Think about what drives you to compulsive phone use. Is it boredom or loneliness? Let these emotions prompt you to do something productive or invite a friend to hang out.
• If you’re in a noisy area and have to use your cell phone, step outside to minimize the distraction you create for others.
• Give advance warning to those you’re with if you’re expecting an important call, such as a call from your baby-sitter. A simple gesture of respect goes a long way for avoiding hurt feelings.
• If you have work email forwarded to your cell phone, resolve to ignore it during non-working hours. If you make yourself available 24-7, you will open the floodgates for others to contact you regarding work responsibilities any time they choose. Do you really want to steal time from your family and friends to log unpaid overtime?

What about you? Do you get frustrated when ignored or interrupted by other people’s cell phone addictions? Do you relate to feeling like your own cell phone keeps you on a leash 24-7?Do you have any other tips for putting people above technology? Leave a comment. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Enjoy this post? Read last week’s post about the local ice cream store.